Day 42 - Why I Decided To Postpone + Updates

Can't believe it's been 11 days since I've written here. I remember the first week when just going a day made me feel kinda jumbled, but I guess the stress of Dedicated just caught up to me.

A lot of stuff happened in the past 11 days. To get you back to where we left off, in the last practice exam I took, I ended up just barely passing. I was starting to feel incompetent from not being able to do better on exams, or constantly seeing all the things I didn't know.

Since then, I've taken 2 more exams, and I'm going to talk about how those went and a lot more in this post. First, let's talk about one of the main problems I've realized.

The problem I faced was this:

In the beginning, I remember when I used to have a fixed time for studying. Six Pomodoro sessions were the goal every day, and it seemed to be going so well. In hindsight, I now feel like I was a little too cavalier about what it takes to do well in this arena.

I realized in the past 2 weeks that going slower and taking my time with studying just was not sustainable. If I took my time and went slower, I wouldn't be able to review as many topics as I needed to without starting to forget the material I learned earlier on.

For example, I started Dedicated with Renal. Even though I still remember some stuff from then, I found myself having to relearn things I once knew really well. There was just no way to go slow and cover all the material I needed to know. The only solution to this was to speed things up...

Now That I Understood That

I had started to wake up in the morning and instead of browsing Instagram in bed like a sane person, I would grab my phone and open the Anki app. I would try to finish as many reviews as I can. This would go on for 3-4 hours or until lunch time.

I would eat, pack dinner, and go to the library where I'd spend the next 8-9 hours going over questions, or more Anki. I'd come home, put everything away and go to bed. I didn't really take any days off, the deadline was coming up so close that the anxiety of it didn't allow me to.

That's basically a summary of how the last week went for me. Not so "Part-Time Medic", but that was the reality. I knew this wasn't sustainable but I felt like that was what was required. I would realize if it was worth it or not in the next practice test.

Practice Test #3

Thursday of last week was when I took my third practice test. I ended up getting a 62% with an 83% chance of passing. I was pretty shocked honestly.

It just felt like the needle had barely even moved with all that effort. I was starting to get so sick of just studying day in and day out. Part of me just wanted to take the exam to get it over with, but I knew that I wouldn't be doing myself any favors.

On Thursday, I had to be honest with myself and decide if it was going to be worth it for me to move the exam. After weighing out all the material I was hoping to get through, I decided that maybe it was going to be best for me to push the exam.

I decided to move it by a week.

The Following Day

I don't know why but the day after I decided to move it, felt like I had already taken it. I had been ignoring my own care for so long, that it felt like my body just decided it wasn't worth it anymore. I barely went through any content, I just kinda hung out. It felt kinda nice honestly.

The thing I was worried about was not recognizing the value of the week that was given. I didn't want to just find myself in the same place at the end of the week wishing I had more time, but I also knew that I couldn't do the 24/7 grind anymore.

I started going through the First Aid - Rapid Review, I started going through more questions, and the Goljan PDF, and honestly started feeling a lot better about what I knew. I felt like maybe I was getting over the hump. I decided to take another practice test yesterday.

Practice Test #4

I took NBME #27 yesterday, and I ended up getting a 67% (95% chance of passing). I cannot even explain to you how relieved and overjoyed I was to see that score. The needle had finally moved.

Even during the exam, I could recognize the times I would pick the wrong answer. I could see the patterns of where I would succumb to the tricks that the NBME has. When I briefly went over it after, a large majority of my wrong answers were 50/50s. It just felt so good to feel like I was competent again.

Where I Am Now

Currently, I'm sick with the Flu. I started getting the worst of the symptoms last night, and it made me pretty grateful that I decided to push the exam. I definitely wouldn't have been able to focus for 7 hours in my current state. Even going through my Anki reviews today felt like a daunting task.

But, I'm starting to feel like I'm starting to get better at this thing. I feel like I'm getting better at avoiding the traps that the NBME questions put for you, or recognizing which questions aren't worth the effort. I'm getting a lot better at pacing myself during the exam. All in all, I'm starting to feel more confident in my own abilities. I missed that feeling.

Final Thoughts

The last 2 weeks have been a hell ride. As much as I thought I would be able to get through Dedicated while still preserving my love for the knowledge of medicine, and my own health, I was wrong. It now seems a bit foolish that I once even considered that was possible.

Dedicated is really hard you guys. Not only is the material just astronomically dense, but it also requires you to manipulate, analyze, and reason through it under a time crunch. There were days when I just wished I could go back to undergrad. When I could finish learning for an exam, and know that I've learned it all. Even though I now spend 90% of my waking hours on it, it just doesn't feel like something I can ever get down pat. Or ever feel like I've learned it all, and I'm done.

If you've been keeping up with this journey with me, I want you to know that I'm really proud of us for how far we've come. This exam is a beast, but we are putting up a hell of a fight. For wherever you are on this journey, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You got this. Good luck. ✌️

Other Random Thoughts:

• The countdown as the title for these posts was kinda stressing me out, so I'm just going back to the count-up again.
• Here's the link for the Goljan High Yield - PDF. I know a lot of people say it's not as valuable but I've seen a lot of the same things pop up on practice questions and I thought it's been pretty helpful.
• BelVita is a game changer. I eat 1 pack before my practice test, and half a pack between each section with some coffee. I HIGHLY recommend it.