Why Do We Need To Be Exceptional

The longer I'm in medical school, the more I realize how our need to be exceptional is a never-ending process. Take my school Wayne State University for example:

Just by getting into medical school, you're already within the top 3% of applicants. I would also assume that the applicants themselves are already within at least the top 50% of their respective universities.

Yet even within this narrow band, we continue to aspire to be exceptional.

We strive for honors, publications, extracurriculars so that we can stand even higher within the top 1%.

Why do we do this?

1. To achieve what others have.

I think that we have an intrinsic desire to create security for ourselves by aspiring to be better than others. After all, if I'm better than those around me, then pure Darwinian reasoning would suggest that I would be the one to survive.

2. To satisfy the insecurities of our parents.

This is a particularly touchy topic. This article by the School of Life talks about how the pressure on children to be exceptional stems from the insecurities of the parents. Whether it was the inability to value themselves, battling with an unnamed depression, or even perhaps covertly being abused by their spouse, the child becomes an extension of the parent's desire to improve their own life.

3. To be remembered by the world.

To leave a legacy is how I believe it's commonly termed. If this is you, I want you to ask yourself this question:

It's an interesting question because a large majority of us cannot, I certainly can't, yet we somehow believe ourselves to be different. That we will be remembered. I believe that our desire to leave a long legacy is more of an intrinsic desire to live longer or proof that we have created a meaningful life, but I don't believe those to be correlated.

From here we arrive at:

As the world gets larger, through social media or the internet, we are constantly surrounded by more and more people. While it's great for socializing and connecting, it has created a medium where we are reminded of the peaks of exceptional people and experiences.

We go on Instagram to find pictures of beautiful people. Despite knowing that the picture they posted was likely picked out from a handful i.e. the most exceptional photo, we take it at face value and assume that's the norm.

The internet has created a medium where we are constantly surrounded by the exceptional and constantly reminded of our inadequacy.

From there we arrive at:

The truth is right in our face when we realize that the people we perceive to be exceptional, want the same things as us. Let me give you an example:

Have you heard of the golden weekend? Watch This:

It's crazy that after becoming increasingly within the top 1% of the country, the thing we crave the most is to have an ordinary weekend off.

"As our time winds down, we all seek comfort in simple pleasures – companionship, everyday routines, the taste of good food, the warmth of sunlight on our faces. We become less interested in the rewards of achieving and accumulating and more interested in the rewards of simply being."
- Atul Gawande, "Being Mortal"

The more I experience life, the more I realize the reality of that quote ^. I am often so engrained in my pursuits for better that I would often forget or ignore the value of what I do have. The ordinary things that have always brought me joy.

I leave you with a quote from one of my favorite shows of all time.

You do not need to be exceptional to be happy. You were born into this world, you are already exceptional. Enjoy today.

Your friend,
Karthik